“You want to x-ray the celery? What do you think we’re smuggling dope in the celery? The celery’s not for dope. It’s for dip!” – Mel Brooks as Doctor Richard Thorndyke.
“Now if there’s one thing you can be sure of, it’s that nothing is more powerful than a young boy’s wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.” – The Narrator from Ted
“A hundred and twenty five years… Oh God, Oh God… I’ll be a hundred and sixty one when I get out.” – Richard Pryor as Harry Monroe
“They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they’ve all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How’ve you been?” ” – John Cusack as Martin Blank
“I’ve been searching for a town like this for years. You know, when I got off that train this morning, I said to myself “This is it.”” – Jimmy Stewart as Rip Smith
“We came to Redbud filled with hopes and dreams of a better life. And basically, we’ve seen those hopes and dreams crushed and battered before our very eyes.” – Chevy Chase as Andy Farmer
“I’m never gonna get married. Not ever. Even if you paid me a hundred and fifty dollars.” – Ari Meyers as Debbie
“I wish, I wish I were a fish.” – Don Knotts as Henry Limpet